How I found hope when life fell apart
(I originally posted this message to my personal Facebook account on January 31, 2023. I’m posting it here in case someone who’s stumbled across my blog is hurting and needs to hear it.)
Three years ago today I got a message from a stranger that yanked the earth from beneath my feet. It’s the first and only time in my life that I literally felt the blood drain from my face. That day began what has been, without a doubt, the most painful season of my life. Until then I had always imagined that if some terrible, tragic thing happened to me, because I was a Christian, my relationship with God would allow me to somehow “float above” all the truly deep sorrow and pain. I imagined my faith would shield me from any real suffering.
How wrong that was! I’ve never hurt like I’ve hurt the last three years! Yet as I look back, I can honestly say that God has been faithful to me through every moment. He’s used the hurt and confusion to drive me to His word. And through exercising my faith to believe His word is true, He has given me more joy, more hope, and a deeper sense of peace than would’ve been possible for me to know if the terrible, tragic thing had never happened.
Even on those days when I look at the present circumstances and it all just looks bleak and dark and hopeless, I know He is there beside me, steering my ship, exercising all His goodness, sovereignty, and wisdom to bring about the best possible outcome. I know this not because I see evidence of it with my eyes, but because this is what He promises in His word. Just because I can’t see the good in His plans, doesn’t mean His plans aren’t good.
“O beloved, if God declares that all is well, ten thousand devils may declare it to be ill, but we laugh them all to scorn…It IS, says the Word, at all times well with thee…then, beloved, if thou canst not see it, let God’s words stand thee in stead of sight; yea, believe it on Divine authority more confidently than if thine eyes and thy feelings told it to thee.” -Spurgeon
I don’t know what your present circumstances have you feeling today. Perhaps you’re in an “easy” season and everything feels great. (Thank you, Lord, for seasons like that!) But maybe, like me, you’ve found yourself in a hard season, in a season of pain or loss. Maybe everything inside you is screaming “This is not good. This is not good at all.” Or maybe you feel too broken to scream and all you can do is just lay there and hurt. If that’s where you are today, I want you to know that there’s hope to be found in God’s word.
It’s not an instant cure, and it will really strain your faith “muscles”, but every time I go to God with my pain, He never fails to provide the things I need to keep going. Cry out to God. Pour your pain out to Him, even if it means telling Him all your “unchristian” feelings. He can handle it. He knows it all already anyway.
Read God’s word, over and over again, especially the Psalms. Preach truth to yourself. Remind yourself that emotions are just that—emotions. They rise and fall. They’re not Truth. They’re temporary and they often lie to us, but God does not lie. Find the promises He’s given you in His word and bring them to Him in prayer. Cash them in. Reach out to Christian friends and ask them to pray for you. Don’t be embarrassed to let people know you need help.
This is what I’ve done, and here I am three years after the world fell apart and there’s ground beneath my feet again. I still have hard days, I’m still sad sometimes, still bewildered, but the suffering seems to have enlarged my capacity to enjoy life, too. I have a deeper appreciation for the good parts of life. I love deeper. I listen more attentively. There’s a freedom in trusting God to steer the ship that’s allowing me to enjoy the ride in ways I wasn’t able to before the terrible thing happened.
If you're hurting today, I pray God gives you grace to get to this place, too.